Dora the Neglected

Here I am. Watching Dora…again. Wondering how much longer I will be forced to listen to her annoying voice and come along with her on bizarre bilingual adventures. I figure I have a minimum of a year left with Dora. My oldest is mostly over her, but my youngest still thinks she hung la luna. And while Dora is certainly not the worst offender when it comes to whiny punk ass cartoons children’s programming, she surely leaves me scratching my head from time to time.

Mi amiga Dora
Mi amiga Dora

So I decided to compile a list of the top 5 things that go through my mind when being forced to watch Dora for the millionty-thousandth time. Without further ado, here it is…

  1. First, and perhaps most importantly, where the holy hell are this chick’s parents at?! I mean, I totally applaud their commitment to not being helicopter parents. The world certainly doesn’t need another helicopter mom. But these people take free-range parenting to a whole new level. Traipsing through swamps, zip-lining through the jungle, and climbing mountains with nary an adult in sight.
  2. Why do they always get in the car with a driving squirrel? And a creepy squirrel at that. Tico always happens to be lurking nearby just in the nick of time to offer a ride to the under-supervised tot and her animal companions. Creeper. I assume he’s an adult squirrel, seeing as he drives and all. That just makes it worse.

    Tico, the creeper.
    Tico, the creeper.
  3. Dora and Boots’ relationship makes me a tad uncomfortable. They seem to cross a few human/monkey unspoken lines and it feels creepy. Enough said.

    Primate love.
    Primate love.
  4. Why is Dora staring at me?! Look away freak! Your creepy eyes are attempting to pierce my soul. Not cool, Dora. Not cool.

    Do NOT stare directly into her eyes. I think they might be some kind of portal to hell. I can't be sure though.
    Do NOT stare directly into her eyes. I think they might be some kind of portal to hell. I can’t be sure though.
  5. What the hell is wrong with Swiper? He keeps taking things, but he doesn’t keep them. He just throws them into a tree or something stupid. What’s wrong with you, dude? Why go through all the trouble of being a lifelong thief if you don’t get to enjoy in your spoils? Not only are you mean, but you’re apparently hella dumb too.

    Swiper no swiping!
    Swiper no swiping!

One day, when I’m forced to watch some hideous tween crap, I might actually miss Dora. What are some things you think about while watching your kid’s shows?

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11 thoughts on “Dora the Neglected

  1. Oh my gosh! I love this!!! As a Grandma to both adults & little ones, I am second generation Dora, and she’s still pretty creepy! Love your comments and “feel your pain!” 🙂

    Like

  2. Everytime “backpack” is spoken my ears bleed. I was hopeful that my youngsters were getting over her, but only to find out that little Dora is being replaced by Dora and Friends, the equally annoying tween version. Dora and Friends has lots of singing and dancing to get you through odd adventures that can only be a product of writers who are super tired parents of toddlers and are into recreational drug use. Who is into the recreational drug use? the writers? the children? you decide.

    Like

  3. Max and Ruby. The Wiggles. Teletubbies. Kill me now.
    I’m sure this is my payback for watching the Smurfs and Muppet Babies.

    Like

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