At least once a week it occurs to me that I’m not failing at living up to the middle class suburban white girl stereotype. I’ll be going about my day and something will come out of my mouth that makes even me wanna slap my damn self in the face. I can’t help that I live up to the middle class suburban white girl stereotype because, guess what, I’m a middle class suburban white girl. The ‘basic bitch’ is so much a part of me that it’s not unlike the tramp stamp I got on my 18th birthday. And just like my tramp stamp, my first world white girl problems are tacky and annoying.
Last week I decided to pay attention to some of the ridiculous WASP-like bullshit that occasionally spews forth from my mouth . For my own amusement (and hopefully yours) I kept track of some of the things I uttered this week in the name of my first world white girl problems. Here is a list of some of my favorites from last week…
- “Ugh. I wish Panera had a drive thru.” I can’t believe they expect me to get off my fat ass to order an over-priced salad.
- “Sometimes I don’t know how I do it without a maid.” I mean, what a story of human perseverance. It’s a wonder my struggle hasn’t been chronicled on Lifetime Movie Network. I scrub my own toilets, ya’ll. I’m a legit survivor.
- “Omg, I so need a new skin care regimen.” Yes, buttercup, the future of the universe depends on the effectiveness of your wrinkle cream.
- “Why doesn’t Costco have a better moscato selection?” Really. The nerve of those people trying to offer only one variety of moscato.
- “I really need to get my crafting supply situation under control.” Oh the age old predicament of what to do with all of one’s Hobby Lobby loot. The struggle is real ya’ll.
At the heart of the real reason I kept track of my dumb ramblings last week is the fact that I am grateful for my “problems”. They really aren’t problems at all, and that’s what makes me pretty damn lucky. Don’t sweat the small stuff; it’s really not worth it. And if YOU do happen to be having legitimate problems right now (as we all do in our lives) then I hope this at least made you smile. Keep your head up and your prayers going. May your only problems soon just be of the first world basic bitch variety.